Monday, August 13, 2012

Olympics: Faster, Higher, Stronger.... and Better

Now that the London Olympics have come to a close, it's hard to remember how I occupied my time before the games began a mere 16 days ago. I loved watching basically anything that aired on TV and I spent every free moment doing so. Despite the cringe inducing opening ceremony (Mr. Bean, you saved the night) I thought the games went rather well. However, if I had my way there would inevitably be a few changes to be made. Just in case the IOC and Rio 2016 committee members are reading this, I will list my suggestions below.

1. All men's events would be performed shirtless with the exception of weightlifting, shot-put, and greco-roman wrestling.... These athletes will be provided with full-body parkas.

2. The parade of nations will take place on a moving sidewalk. A very fast moving sidewalk.

3. The steeple-chase will include a fire pit.

4. Bob Costas/ Mary Carillo/ Ryan Seacrest won't exist.

5. The opening ceremony has to actually entertain more than just Matt Lauer.

6. All events will be aired live.

7. Javelin throwers will be blindfolded. 

8. Usain Bolt will have to say one nice thing about each of his competitors after each of his wins.

9. Ryan Lochte will realize his grill is utterly moronic.

10. Someone is required to explain why divers rinse off in the shower after each dive. 

11. Russian gymnasts get points deducted for smiling.

12. Debbie Phelps and Chico's design all the U.S. uniforms. Kidding. Debbie is more of a Talbot's   girl.

13. I get lifelong tickets to all events for the rest of my life. 

14. Baseball is reintroduced to the games and the gold is given to the American's by default.

15. Marathon runners have to shotgun a beer after every mile.

Hopefully my ideas will be taken to heart. By estimation, they should lead to a pretty flawless games. Until then, I guess I'll just have to wait patiently for Sochi.... and learn where Sochi is exactly.

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