Friday, December 10, 2010

Imagine That

Today was what I like to call a very successful day. Not only did I get all my Christmas shopping done, I also managed to get some quality time in with an old friend of mine as well. Now that I'm sitting at home though, my poor knee is not exactly as excited as I am about all the running around that has happened today... In fact, that whole situation is kind of a funny story. In retrospect, of course.

.............It all went something like this............

The day after Thanksgiving, I had to be at my work at the crack of dawn. That means that my alarm clock kindly woke me up a little before 4am. I hate Black Friday. I don't see how people can justify saving 20 dollars and risk the chance of having their eye poked out by some soccer mom in aisle 6 of Target.

Sorry, I digress. After my 9 hour shift at work, I went straight to Kate's house so that we could attend The University of Tulsa's last home football game of the season together. Kate's dad works for the athletic department and he got me a pass to watch the game form the sidelines. Everything was going just dandy until Kate and I decided to get some hot chocolate and some snacks and head up to the athletic offices to watch the game and get out of the blustery, cold weather. We got our nachos and steaming hot chocolates and then the shit hit the fan. I fell. I fell walking up the stairs. I face planted. I wanted to die.

After a few people anxiously asked me if I was okay (whilst I did my best to hide my face) I noticed that my head and clothes were literally drenched in nacho cheese, and scalding hot chocolate. I actually had cheese dripping from my hair. I obviously had to do the walk of shame back to Kate's to shower and wash my clothes. Just to boot, I totally cut up my knee and left a decent baseball sized bruise on it. Ever since, my knee hasn't been the same at all.

Now, I thought that was pretty humiliating, but today my friend Rachel showed me that there are always people in this world who are willing to prove themselves as bigger dumbasses than myself. Anyways, whilst driving around town Rachel nonchalantly informed me that she pulled a muscle in her arm while playing guitar. She then went on to add that she was in front of a large group of people. But really, all in all, that was the extent of her explanations. I had just begun to mull over the unfortunate nature of this injury when something occurred to me. Rachel doesn't even play the guitar. When I asked her about this she stated, like it was no big deal that she "pulled it playing an imaginary guitar." SHE PULLED HER MUSCLE PLAYING AIR GUITAR, and the fact that she was so willing to share the nature of this asinine injury was just icing on the cake. I cannot even. You win, okay Rachel? You win...

Let's just say that I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

The Anti-Bucket List

Most people wouldn't consider me to be the most "positive" person around, but who needs positivity when you have a scathing sense of realism. Now, in light of the Holiday Season, I wouldn't want to disappoint you by being all cheery, so I've decided to put together a compilation of things I would  could never do. Ever. Since my last post was dwelling on my impending age and eventual doom, I am bound and determined to spend the rest of my life with an air of dignity. I mean, I may know how to make a fool out of myself quite efficiently, but I will be damned if I ever wear a pair of Crocs. So here it goes, the top 10 things I will never do before I die.

10. As previously stated, I will never don a pair of Crocs. If there is a heaven, then these friggin' things are the deepest, darkest hollows of footwear hell. As for the proponents of Crocs, who seem to think comfort and simplicity are reasons enough to wear the damn things, I have one statement for you... You know what else is functional and comfy? A coffin...

Actually, not so hard to believe at all.

9. I will never sing Karaoke. Never. There is not enough alcohol on the face of this planet to get me stupid enough to sing bad songs, badly... in public. There really isn't much to add to this statement. I know everyone LOVES karaoke, but I would rather drive bamboo shoots under my finger nails (r.i.p. Sayiid.) then subject myself to this humiliation. Even if I could sing, I wouldn't be stupid enough to think that people would want to hear it. You know why I watch Karaoke? To make fun of people. Including you.

8. I will never do the chicken dance. No Oktoberfest, wedding, or Bar Mitzvah could ever warrant the opportunity for this "dance" to be appropriated in my mind. You know what? I take that back... I'll do the chicken dance 'til I can't feel my feet when I see a chicken doing the people dance. It's just stupid, and a thousand years from now, a higher thinking human will be judging us on this.

7. I will never own a KIA, Isuzu, Mitsubishi, or Saturn. Frankly, I just don't feel like dying. I would rather walk everywhere than drive any of these cars. Besides, If I ever did invest in one of this shit-tins, I would probably end up walking everywhere anyways.

6. I will never get a memorial/portrait tattoo. The idea of having someones sadly rendered face somewhere on my body is so depressing. There are websites dedicated to this sort of thing... It's just a bad idea all around.

So sad... In all the wrong ways.

5. I will never wear leggings as pants. In my eyes, and most everybody else's, leggings are the equivalent of wearing pantyhose with the feet cut off. Call me old fashioned, but my shirts will always cover my ass. Unless you are a proverbial lady of the night, there is no excuse for doing otherwise, and even then, the faux fur vests usually do the job.

Same Difference

4. I will never post one of those stupid quizzes on facebook. Because, let's be honest, we both know that you just don't give shit. And for the record, I don't care what your horoscope says either.

3. I will never go to a fortune teller. First of all, I wouldn't believe anything I heard from them. Secondly, I would never want to hear that I will "never find happiness unless I learn to slow down my life," or that "there is a chance that something possibly involving food will happen on Thanksgiving one year." Thirdly, who would want to put a timeline on their life anyways!? Puh-lease.
The only fortunes I ever rely on.

2. I will never concede control over the decoration of my Christmas tree. Alex and Kate can attest to my nearly neurotic obsession with the perfection that is my Christmas Tree. I can't help it, and I don't know what comes over me... It just has to be the way I envision it, or Christmas will be ruined and Jesus can't be born.

1. Eat shit. I would never do that.

Monday, December 6, 2010

You Can Run, But You Can't Hide.

Has it really been 2 months since I've updated this thing? I can't believe time has passed so fast! With tomorrow being the last day of my semester, I can honestly say it has been the craziest 16 weeks of my life. I'm not going to assume that you care, but in case you were wondering, here are a few things that have happened in the past couple months. No DeLorean needed.

1. Andy joined the annual Brady Party bash... Dressed as a wolf in sheep's clothing black sheep. Kate and I were Rockford Peaches from "A League of their Own." We owned the night.

The three musketeers.
2. My internship began and ended. I was placed in an "urban" school with a 99% poverty rate. I really and truly loved my kiddos. However, that school was hell. It's no wonder why American education is more than lacking. Those children deserve better.
3. I still love my major (to my parents relief)
4. I'm going to Constantinople/Istanbul for Spring Break with my dear friend Arianna among other Greeks.
5. Sephora's retail Holiday season has begun. My soul is broken.

Anyone can master the look of "Holiday Hooker!"
6. I've mastered the art of falling up the stairs in public. I've also mastered the art of wearing nacho cheese and hot chocolate in my hair. My knee disapproves.
7. I've finally watched Sleepless in Seattle. So basically that means everyone can stop going "OH MY GOD, YOU HAVEN'T SEEN SLEEPLESS IN SEATTLE!?" Really, just stop it.

I miss the 90's.
9. I was employee of the month for October.... Hilarious.
10. My Dog has turned 12 years old. What a spry little fur-nugget.
11. My very adorable parents just celebrated their 30th wedding anniversary... And all I got was this stupid t-shirt.
12. Boardwalk Empire and The Walking Dead have begun and finished as well. Top chef all stars will be my new guilty TV pleasure.

In other news, the darkest day of my life is slowly creeping upon me.... Yes my friends, it's my 22nd birthday next week. I always love, love, love, love my birthday (seeing as how I'm such a humble soul) but this year it hit me. I'll be 22. Twenty-two! I have nothing else to live for. I mean, I have lots of living to do, but nothing to actually look forward to. After 21, things just start going downhill fast. No more milestones that don't have to do with impending colonoscopies or euphemisms dealing with my inevitable death. My cousin, Clare, whom I love dearly, took one of those quizzes on facebook regarding myself... This is what it said.

So sweet, yet so fatalist.
I mean, It's not like it's not true. Funny and true.... But still. 

It's a good thing I have Kate to remind me that at 25 I can legally rent a car... Oh joy... Until then, I just have to brace myself for good ol' 22.

But look at all the storage!

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Running on Greek Time...

Ugh. It's been what, 2 weeks!? Sorry for the absence, but life has taken a turn towards insanity. Between balancing school and work, Tulsa and Dallas (both Holy Trinities) celebrated their annual Greek Festivals. Greek Fests are are pretty insane in and of themselves, and Holy Trinity Tulsa had to make their 50th festival pretty extraordinary. Catering to thousands of people + dancing nonstop + working + cleaning + finding time to have a good time yourself = pretty damn hectic. Now that October has rolled to our doorsteps, I finally can find time to blog again.

Last weekend, the bestie and I traveled down to Dallas to stay with our old pal Paula, and to support their Greek Food Fest. Basically, it was a good excuse to see some old friends and have a great, care-free weekend. One of the things I love most about being part of the Denver Diocese is that pretty much anywhere you go, no matter the city or state, you're bound to have a friend.

It's kinda crazy to think that I've been a part of Tulsa's festival for almost a quarter of a century! I'm so relieved that things turned out as well as they did, especially considering that some of the Church's younger generation made the decision to step up to the plate and be committee chairpersons. It was such a fun few weeks, but I'm glad to finally have a bit of a breather.

Thursday, September 9, 2010

With Friends Like These...

I've always been the girl with a handful of extremely close friends, and tons of acquaintances. I fully intend to keep it that way. When I speak of my best-friend, i often have to qualify the title with a categorical description. I love my best-friends and I hope they know this. I have kept nearly every bestie in my life, with the exception of a couple of not so sincere people, and I think of myself as a pretty damn good judge of character. I think their character reflects upon me, as well.

Allow me to attempt to introduce my many best-friends to you.

My all time best-friend, Kate- 21 years later and we can still stand each other. For someone that I spend so much time with, we  couldn't be more different. She is optimistic, I am cynical. She like cats, I like dead cats. The list goes on. Regardless, we never fight or argue. We share parents, morals, and jokes. We are a true anomoly...
At a Greek Fest
back in the day.

My best guy-friend, Andrew- Andy used to have to endure endless childhood sessions of having to do every little thing I wanted. It's a wonder he ever recovered. He's basically family, but we aren't required to be bitter towards one another. The kid can party like it's his job, but he's still one of the best guys I'll ever know.

Fast foward 15 years, take away the cake, add a couple beers.

My best high-school friend, Alex- Arizz, if you will, is the funniest person I've ever met. If she doesn't kill you with her sarcasm she will probably just run you over and finish the job. We used to hate each other back in the day. She has more dish on people than you could even imagine. Also, best fellow house-hunter/Elf ever.
Basically the look I get from Alex 99.99% of the time.

My best Greek friends from out of town, Alexa and Arianna- They know my deepest darkest secret. Plus, we are basically the CE trifecta, and the leaders of the SMOEdom.

CE Love

My best college friend, Erin- Ohhhhh boy. The Rookie. My protege and ingenue. I can't even explain how much fun we had living together at OSU/partying together on hallowen. She can cure major contusions and stress-fractures with chocolate chips. My goal in life is to get her B.A.C above .01 and have her survive..... Hense the nickname, rookie.

We will never tell... Ever.
My best child-hood friend, Rachel- We met in the 2nd grade when our Mom's first started working together. We spent many a summer days lounging in her pool and forming pseudo spice girl bands.

I was Scarlett O'Hara, she was mean mugging.

My best non-human friend, Chloe- I got my dog when I was in the 4th grade. She may resent me, but I love me some chlo-chlo.
Baby dog with baby furs.

I think Mr. Lennon was right on when he said "I get by with a little help from my friends..." Luckily enough for me, I think we can agree that with friends like these, I do more than just get by.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Out of Africa

So it's official, I've finished "Little Bee." Alex was right, (again) and it was so, so worth my while. As I told you before, "Little Bee" is not a story that you can divulge much about without ruining. However, I can tell you that "Little Bee" is a novel about an Nigerian girl's lost identity, faith in humanity, guilt, and morality. It is a story about learning how to stop surviving and start truly living.... And that some things are worth living for, and even worth sacrificing yourself for. Read it. It's funny, complex, touching, and really absolutely captivating. You won't regret it as it will surely affect even the most staunch of this world's "baddies."

Anyways, my very first official blog posting was about "The English Patient," one of my all-time favorites. A large part of TEP takes part in the vast deserts of Libya, and I thought it would be appropriate to round out my current literary inclination with another one of my favorite Authors, and another novel set in spellbinding Africa...
Love the coat Mr. Camus

Albert Camus was a French-Algerian novelist, philosopher, and winner of the Noble Prize in Literature (the first African to have done so). He was an existentialist sophist and had an obsession with writing
about the absurd. "The Stranger" is his most famous novel and is thought to have inspired the song Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen.

I, however, will be re-reading my most favorite story of his - "The Plague." It is the book that won Camus his Nobel prize in 1957, and it encompasses many of the things that fascinate me; disease, exile, irony, faith, and perceived freedom.

Alex happens to have a distinct hatred for all things Camus, but I happen to blame that on our 11th grade English teacher she-ogre. (she made the witch from Hansel & Gretel look like Mother Teresa) Despite Alex's stigmatic views, I think it's a perfect way to read something out of Africa, and into my own life.

Monday, September 6, 2010

Like Mother, Like Daughter

I don't know about you, but my Labor day weekend was pretty fun. Well, maybe fun isn't the word... Relaxing, maybe? Yesterday, I stayed in my jammies all day and today I got out of the house a bit. The bestie and I took her baby cousins to the pool, and then we had a mommy-daughter double date.

Not too many people are lucky enough to say they have a great Mom. And most people definitely can't attest to having two great moms.... (No, not like that.)

Kate's mom is practically a second mother to me. In fact, I'm sure that even Kate would agree that she likes me more at times. Tonight was great. I really loved sitting around and listening to the moms talk up a storm. Kate and I would just sit there and shoot knowing glances at each other every time a funny or incriminating story came up. Which was often, might I add.

It's good to know I have a set of parents who love and adore me despite my mistakes.... And another set of adopted parents that would be willing to bail me of of jail if those mistakes were too much for the real rents.

But really, maybe one day Kate and I will be sitting around with our daughters (or my stand in child that I picked up off the street, and paid $20 to look cute and play nice) doing the same thing.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

When You Wish Upon a Star

Today at work, one of my clients came into the store to get a head start on her Christmas shopping. Christmas shopping!? I haven't even started thinking about next week yet! As you probably know, I work at Sephora while I'm in school, and I pretty much love my job. The perks and the people are great. I mean, what girl wouldn't want to play with make-up all day, and get paid to do it.

Anyways, I thought this lady was completely nuts for being so gung-ho on the shopping situation, but it got me thinking... And naturally it got me thinking about myself............ What do I want for Fall? (Winter is too long-term of a goal even for a cold-weather freak like me).

Well I'm putting together a dream list of my ideal Fall must-haves. Please, feel free to donate at any time.

First, a couple of bags are in order. A couple of classics, to be exact.
           BVLGARI Chandra Bag   

A few pairs of versatile heels and boots are always a good idea too.

A pair of vintage throw-back flats like these make me giddy too.

Outerwear is an obvious must in the blustery weather.
A really cute jacket.

And a very classic coat.

 This scarf would match just about everthing I own.

I would of course have to have a new watch to get me everywhere on time.

When I forget my watch, I'll nedd to keep my wrists warm somehow.

 And in a perfect world, I would own this dress about 6 times over.

There are about 183,478, 972 other things I could put on this list, so I think I'll just stick the basics for now. I'm no Anna Wintour, but I know what I like want need.

Who said a girl couldn't dream big?

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Poke-ing Around

I had a day off from school and work today, so I decided to take my best friend and visit my old college town. Although I decided to transfer to a different school after a change in majors, my time that I spent in Stillwater is pretty unforgettable. That small college party town boasts some of my most ridiculous memories. Memories that will probably go down in the "I can't believe you did that" hall of fame.

OSU's Library Lawn
Visiting Stilly made me really miss the good ol' days. I know I would go mad if I ever moved back, but sometimes you seem to forget the bad in lieu of the great. Kate, my best friend, can attest to pretty much every ridiculous story considering that she too spent most of her free-time her 1st two years of college at OSU with me..... Mind you, she attended and still attends the University of Tulsa..... I think it's safe to say that we both had a fantastic time.

The Biffle

So today, we drove the hour to OSU and spent the day with our dear friend, Meg. It was a perfect day, and we spent a few hours on campus, checking out some of my old haunting grounds. We drove down University, which is the street with all the Greek houses on it, and I was pointing out all the houses to Kate. Kate then saw an un-named house with a large crest with a serpent on the front and said, "Well, that house has a giant snake on it. It must be Slytherin..." I nearly died laughing. The worst part was, I'm still not sure that she was completely kidding.

Love me some Rocky
Scrunchies... Side ponies and all.
We then retreated to Meg and her roommate's house where we spent some quality time with this snaggle-toothed guy. We also were graced by a few OSU scrunchies provided by Meg's mom. I mean, Who doesn't love a scrunchie with your old school's colors plastered all over it.

After some dinner at our fave Thai place with Meg, her roommate, her boyfriend, and her brother, it was time to say goodbye to the place that I used to call home. All in all, It was a pretty perfect day.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Scaredy Cat

I'd like to think I'm a pretty brave soul compared to the average bear, (have you ever seen me freak out?) but the truth is, I have more phobias than you'd probably think. Psychologists often say phobias are deeply rooted in a childhood experience that has quite literally scarred us for life. I wonder what happened to me as a kid to make me the way I am. Let's examine this.


1. Heights- I really can't think of how this came about---- oh wait, I lied. I can only imagine that driving up mountains in Greece, on a Greyhound bus, on roads that barely fit a Smart-Car, and generally sans guardrails would  leave you with a lasting impression. I mean, how can the same people that invented democracy and philosophy be so lax on public safety?
Okay, okay... So maybe this isn't in Greece.
Looks familiar enough for my taste, though.

2. June bugs- They look like roaches, but they fly in your hair. Who doesn't hate them?

3. Super dark/cramped places- My brother used to lock me in the bathroom before I could reach the lights and threaten to say "Candyman" three times. Freud would be allllllllll over this.
How was I even aware that this movie existed at 4 yrs?

4. The ocean- Okay, so I'm not technically afraid of the water. I mean, you couldn't keep me out of it if you tried. It's just the thought that things could be swimming right next to or under me that freaks the hell out of me. I actually like water that I can't see super clearly in. Ignorance is bliss in my book. I think this fear was established at the age of four, when I went on the "Jaws" ride at Universal Studios. Who's idea was that? Oh yeah... probably mine. I actually think I loved it. I'm such a masochist.
Family Fun for everyone!!!
5. Fire- I hate fire. I don't even light matches. Rather, I can't light a match.... If I do, I go into reflex mode and blow it out/drop it asap. As far as I remember, no one tried to set me on fire as a baby, soooo I'm not sure when in my life this happened. Maybe I got burned by a sparkler one fateful Fourth of July.


F.D.R. once said that "the only thing we have to fear, is fear itself..." Well Mr. Roosevelt, you are clearly full of crap. I think fear is what keeps us from repeating the stupid things we did as a child, or better yet, it keeps us from dying young.

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Official Book Club Selection

As I might have mentioned a time or two, I'm a big believer in reading. The problem is I, like many other people, am kinda tortured by having to pick out books. I can sit in Barnes & Noble for over and hour and leave without a single thing. My biggest fault is probably my incessant judgement of any and all covers. I am a walking aphoristic delinquent. I will look at a book with a silly or obtuse cover and discard it despite it's countless accolades and recommendations.

Really, I only listen to one person's opinions when it comes to literature...

When thinking of what a friend means, most people would probably say that a friend is someone who accepts for who you are, despite your differences or faults. Alex is not one of those friends. Now don’t get me wrong, I count her among the people I value most, but Alex is in a league of her own. Upon first encountering her, most people find the sudden urge to run very fast and very far away. Standing at a whopping 6 foot 1 inches, she is an Amazon, a Spanish/Puerto Rican Amazon with Jackie Joyner-Kersee fingernails. Instead of wielding a crossbow and gladiator sandals, Alex is more likely to be armed with a sordid array of blackmail and type of bitchiness that can burn holes into your skull. This is why I so adore her. All of the aforementioned facts are the reasons that prove that I can trust Alex's recommendations of any novel.

Our most favorite book EVER....
Alex's most recent favorable mention is of a book entitled "Little Bee." I'm about halfway through and so far, so great. The author, Chris Cleave, does an amazing job of injecting an impossibly realistic personal voice into the main characters. I can't really tell you what "Little Bee" is about, but I can tell you it's totally worth picking up.

The blurb on the back cover is obscure, but it reads...
"This is the story of two women. Their lives collide one fateful day, and one of them has to make a terrible choice, the kind of choice we hope you never have to face. Two years later, they meet again - the story starts there ... Once you have read it, you'll want to tell your friends about it. When you do, please don't tell them what happens. The magic is in how the story unfolds. "
How can you not love that?

Monday, August 30, 2010

Reading Between the Lines.

Today, during my 3 hour Clinical Teaching class we discussed our upcoming internships! I was really, really excited to learn about the cool things I may be able to observe, but our lecture turned out to be a Q&A between a student and a professor that went something like this...

Professor: ...."So, does any one have any questions on what to expect during your observation?"

Student: (Craning hand so high in the air her ass has actually left her seat)

Professor: "Yes, Ms. Who-shall-not-be-named,-in fear-that-the D.E.A.-may-drag-you-into-custody-before-the-week-is-over."

Student: "So, I was just wondering... will the school that I have requested to attend do a background check on me?"

Professor: "Oh, probably not. Maybe when you do your final student teaching in a few semesters or start looking for a job. Okay, any other quest----

Same Student: "Yeah, but let's say that they do ask for one, hypothetically. Will I legally be obligated to submit to a background check?"

Professor: Well, if they do ask for one, then yes. But trust me when I say that no school will require a background check for 8 days of observation. Okay? Okay. So class, next week please remember that...."

Student: "What about drug testing? I mean, what are the schools' policy on that?"

*I should note that by that point, I have literally started crying from laughter. Tears. Real tears.*

Professor: (Blissfully unaware of any impending implications from said student) "I wouldn't worry about it!"

Student: "Awesome! So to get this straight, at no time will I be asked to pee in a cup, give a blood test, or have my car searched?"...........

And just think.... These are the future teachers of your children!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Bird Droppings.

People always say that when a birdie leaves a little gift on your shoulder you should consider it a sign of good luck. I wonder what people would say to this?........

For years, I've had this wrought iron birdcage connected to a chain that hangs from my ceiling above my bed. It's seriously been there for years, (at least a decade) and it's always been a staple item in my bedroom. Well, the other night, I fell asleep pretty much as soon as my head hit the pillow. I was EXHAUSTED after a long, long day of class and work, and I literally don't even remember if I had set my alarm or not. But that was okay because at 4 in the morning, I was rudely awakened when all of a sudden, something hard and heavy fell on my head. I was so disoriented, all I could do was freak out and get in a fist fight with my sheets and this object that had fallen from the sky. Then, naturally, I assumed that I was being bludgeoned to death by the Fist of God. Just like any normal person would, of course.

After much swearing and stumbling for my light-switch, it turned out that my damn birdcage had somehow unbolted itself from my ceiling and decided to crash-land squarely where my head was resting. Awesome. Really awesome.

You can run, but you can't hide...

Thank God I sleep on my stomach, because the lump on the back of my neck probably wouldn't have looked so hot on my lip. Now I have to figure out how to replace the newly-vacated area with something that won't try to kill me in the middle of the night. Hanging fluffy, non-lethal cloud by fishing wire?..... Perhaps.

Oh yeah, and when I finally managed to crawl back into bed, I remembered to set my alarm... Aren't I "lucky?"